Saturday, August 27, 2011
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Food Poisoning
A few weekends ago I experienced food poisoning for the first time. I can attest in no uncertain terms that it was the single most miserable vomiting experience that I have ever had, which is saying a lot as I have done more than my fair share of puking over the course of the last thirty-four years. My apartment was like a scene from the exorcist sans the crawling on the ceiling and that nasty thing with the crucifix.
It hit me around 5am Saturday morning. I was rattled awake with severe gut pains. It was a feeling like getting punched really hard in the stomach and losing your wind, only with a sickly twist. I writhed around in my bed, futilely attempting to fall back to sleep. Before long it became apparent that it was only a short matter of time before I would need to make haste to the bathroom. "Damn it! This was supposed to be the first Saturday in weeks that I wouldn't be hung over and puking half of the day," I thought to myself, as I hobbled to the toilet overcome with that oh so familiar feeling of nausea. I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that from that point on I conducted a very thorough fully body purge every couple of hours, involving all orifices and manner of fluid.
Around noon, the duration between blast cycles had grown long enough for me to conceivably plan a trip to Walgreens to get some hydration supplies. Mind you, even without constant stools and barf, this was still a daunting task. I was feverish, extremely weak, and generally nauseated. Nevertheless, I had to get some Gatorade, Pedalyte, and bottled water in order to have any chance of survival. I mustered all of the strength I had in me and began the arduous task of preparing for the journey.
I hobbled around my apartment as if I were a marionette being controlled by a really crappy puppeteer. My legs were weak and slack. Every simple action required ten times the normal effort and at least double the time. Just pulling on my socks seemed impossible and required multiple pauses so could sip water and wipe the sweat from my clammy brow. But time was still against me. Even though I was sustaining for the time being, I knew that sooner or later the wave of illness would come over me again, and I could not have that happen in Walgreens. Their facilities were not prepared for what I had to offer, and lets face it, who wants to be that vulnerable in a Walgreens.
It hit me around 5am Saturday morning. I was rattled awake with severe gut pains. It was a feeling like getting punched really hard in the stomach and losing your wind, only with a sickly twist. I writhed around in my bed, futilely attempting to fall back to sleep. Before long it became apparent that it was only a short matter of time before I would need to make haste to the bathroom. "Damn it! This was supposed to be the first Saturday in weeks that I wouldn't be hung over and puking half of the day," I thought to myself, as I hobbled to the toilet overcome with that oh so familiar feeling of nausea. I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that from that point on I conducted a very thorough fully body purge every couple of hours, involving all orifices and manner of fluid.
Around noon, the duration between blast cycles had grown long enough for me to conceivably plan a trip to Walgreens to get some hydration supplies. Mind you, even without constant stools and barf, this was still a daunting task. I was feverish, extremely weak, and generally nauseated. Nevertheless, I had to get some Gatorade, Pedalyte, and bottled water in order to have any chance of survival. I mustered all of the strength I had in me and began the arduous task of preparing for the journey.
I hobbled around my apartment as if I were a marionette being controlled by a really crappy puppeteer. My legs were weak and slack. Every simple action required ten times the normal effort and at least double the time. Just pulling on my socks seemed impossible and required multiple pauses so could sip water and wipe the sweat from my clammy brow. But time was still against me. Even though I was sustaining for the time being, I knew that sooner or later the wave of illness would come over me again, and I could not have that happen in Walgreens. Their facilities were not prepared for what I had to offer, and lets face it, who wants to be that vulnerable in a Walgreens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
